bootyindernacht:

i like to describe myself as an ayyyyyysexual

not into sex, really into puns

(via hikennosabo)



expired-arsenic-and-vintage-lace:

prozdvoices:

Anonymous said:

Hey dude I love your dramatic readings. Anyway, can you read the name of every state in America in the most seductive way possible? In alphabetical order please.

what the fuck

Why

Well, OKAY.

Saying the Names of All 50 States in Alphabetical OrderSeductively

image

I almost spit out my pasta.

(via jesslaughingalonewithnewleaf)


Most satisfying moment of the week:

While waiting on line for a guided tour of a cave, a woman tells her friends about how she ‘dresses her kids up as handicapped’ by giving them canes and helmets so that they could get on rides faster at Disney World.

Shortly afterwords, I loudly comment on being glad the path has railings since I often need a cane to walk because of my disability, then glance over my shoulder to see her shut the fuck up in a really spectacular way.

(And really, the worst part is that she’s not even doing it herself, she’s making her kids act like this. They’re gonna grow up thinking this shit is totally acceptable, and that’s on her.)


gymleaderkyle:

if youre in a heterosexual relationship like who gets to be the woman and who gets to be the other woman?

(via xicecoldx)


Damn it, why the fuck are there so many cute girls in fucking Phoenix? Who the fuck wants to live in Phoenix? Ladies, come to Tucson, we’ve got way less money but way more spirit! Also, we’re not Phoenix!

(I’m not nearly as angry about this as I look to be.)


voltairine-kropotkin:

Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch.
One turns to the other and says, “I say old boy, have you read marx?” The other says, “Yes, I believe it’s these wicker chairs.”

(via bronen-ai)


melissadoom:

gonna take this to its logical conclusion and start trolling in Proto-Indo-European.

(via sharkrinsoup)


Because, somehow, posting pictures of my face on the Internet makes me feel like marginally less of a hot mess.


This little box is gonna tell me my fate!

God, my life is so over-dramatic.

This little box is gonna tell me my fate!

God, my life is so over-dramatic.



Don’t mind her, that’s just the alien brain-worm talking.

Don’t mind her, that’s just the alien brain-worm talking.


airspaniel:

drunkwario:

Anon hate from the late 1800’s.

What I love most about this is that this person was SO INCENSED at the recipient that they couldn’t even wait the days/weeks it would take for the mail to go through. No, they had to say “FUCK YOU” as soon as fucking possible and, AND, let the recipient that they were not done with the fuck you, nay, this was merely the first volley in what would undoubtably be a dressing down of Biblical proportions.

airspaniel:

drunkwario:

Anon hate from the late 1800’s.

What I love most about this is that this person was SO INCENSED at the recipient that they couldn’t even wait the days/weeks it would take for the mail to go through. No, they had to say “FUCK YOU” as soon as fucking possible and, AND, let the recipient that they were not done with the fuck you, nay, this was merely the first volley in what would undoubtably be a dressing down of Biblical proportions.

(via liaracat)


Well so far I have seen only one dick and about 10,000 inspirational quotes. Holy shit, people, put yourself in the photo, no-body wants to date your fucking inspirational quotes, they want to date you.

But really I’m not too upset about the dick famine.


I’m apparently such a devoted online-dater that I get to be a mod on OKC now. So far I’ve just marked some bland not-the-users, but I’m sure a dark tide of dicks is a commin’.